The final farewell letter/email.
I hope you are well. I am writing this email in peace. I feel our last meeting was very much unfinished and was not a true closure for me. You had the opportunity to say much whereas l was not able to really get a word across. So after much reflection l have decided to write you a letter to express my thoughts of you. I cannot say for sure what I thought of you when we first met – maybe because l was not looking or expecting anyone to enter my life. Prior to meeting you l was extremely happy and l suppose that’s why l was not looking for anyone. I don’t think that living with someone for the sake of it is a good reason to live in misery. I tried to learn about you and felt you were truly a very lonely and sad person. To be honest you are the saddest person l have ever come across. You seemed angry on many occasions – yet you concealed it well. You covered many of your flaws well but l read people well and figured you out within the space of 2 weeks. Whilst we were going out l decided to keep a log of our conversations and actions – more of yours than mine. Now don’t get me wrong – l only did this to understand you better. As my journal entries increased l noticed a pattern very distinct of a person who has a serious disturbed mental condition. So upon further research l honed on even further to understand you. My research revealed a disturbing condition you have. That which l do not wish to disclose – as l do not want to upset you. I kept this information in my mind and continued on with our relationship. In the hope that l might be able to help you. You are right in saying l am patient person. To be honest you were lucky l am patient because l trust no other woman could have managed you and stayed with you this long. I am glad l finally got to know you. This was important. Love for me was not important. Being with you – seeing you upset, sad and very very lonely was troubling but there was little l could do. I felt that you didn’t quite know how to love. You claimed that you loved me – maybe. But people who love each other behave differently. You wanted my respect which you got. You wanted my obedience which you got. You wanted my love which you also got. Yet for some strange reason l was the one giving and giving. Yes you did contribute but not to the scale l did.
You have this image of life where you expected instant success upon becoming a dentist. And I truly wish you that success. You demanded respect from all regardless of you respecting others. And l pray you get that respect. I am assuming that your childhood may have been happy according to you but the reality is that you worked very hard hence you were away from a normal life. By that I mean not mixing with other kids in your neighbourhood. This isolation is not good. It taught you that other people whom are normal people are not good enough to be your friend. You told me you had no friends in this country. Your family cannot be your only friends. It’s not healthy to keep yourself away from normal people. Because this is how we learn key social skills. I pray that you have a wealth of good friends. You cannot tolerate disrespect or disobedience. You lack patience – which is a key attribute to a good loving relationship. You live in a land of pure beauty, excellence and instant success – but this is a dream world. The real world is a harsh, cold and unfriendly place. You are now discovering outside of your comfort zone of home and educational institutions the harsh realities of life. But every day the sun rises – and we rise with it. So to must you. ‘A’ l had nothing against you….l truly respected you from the bottom of my heart. This email is not a plea to want you back. To be honest l would rather you searched yourself and discover the flaws within you. You know l told you l had a list of flaws of you…which l do. But l beared with you. In the hope that you would change these and become a better person. But you won’t. Because you think you are above all else. Which is not true. There are people whom are much better than you or l. They are better in terms of humanity, kindness and empathy.
You know l have a soul which is linked to my heart which in turn links to my feelings for others. If l hurt a person l also feel that pain. It hurts me to hurt them. I then seek forgiveness from them. I don’t get revenge or undermine people. This is were you have sadly failed in your life. This is the truth. I am sorry it hurts you to read this – but it is the truth. I fear that any woman entering your life and expecting to be loved will realise behind the facade there is a sad, lonely, bitter, twisted and soulless human – YOU.
On a final note l wish you the best of luck.
Sent a final text of ‘good luck and good bye’.I think after what he did yesterday ie not texting or calls – almost a good part of the week. I reached a point of no return. My body, my mind my heart and my soul were all suffering. Everyone noticed how l changed. For the worse. Withdrawn, troubled, sad, upset and angry. Confused, perplexed, hurt all of the negative connotations l can think of or that exist.
30th April 2014
Its been 3 days and no contact from me to him neither has he bothered – so much for fucking l love yous. Load of bullshit. I did try to call him today to explain why i am done – which i shouldn’t have – but felt the need. But he did not pick up. I thought it’s best to be civil about this. But he wouldn’t pick up. Its his loss. I am happy that I am recovering. Dc is helping… i feel upset that he has abused me… i feel that he not only mind fucked me but i believe raped me at one point. were upon he said ‘ has your stress come out’. the best thing is i did not become him. That’s the best part – the fact l retained myself. I went through hell but came out myself. He is still burning and so shall he burn. I curse him every day. I wish him nothing but damnation. He played with my heart…more like ripped it out. There is no cure for these bastards. They have to be killed. Full stop. I don’t need to destroy him he is already fucked up. Demented cunt.
Below is a quote which l can truly relate to. He took everything EXCEPT ME. I am still here. Much stronger than before and recovering. I don’t pity him – l have no feelings for him. I write to raise some awareness for others. I went through 6-7 months of HELL. I can only describe it as hell. I hung on because to give him chances thinking he will get better. But they don’t. They can’t. They have to be destroyed – whats worse is that these ‘things’ are also in the professional domain. He apparently is a dentist (so contact with people is a natural aspect of his job). But not a dentist trained in UK. Anyhow what does that matter. For he is a ‘thing’ a MONSTER.
I really feel for the next NARC supply. l hope he never ever ever meets anyone willing to take him on as a partner. Ideally these monsters need to have RED TAPE plastered over the foreheads which reads ‘DANGER KEEP AWAY’.
One of the greatest blasphemies is the taking of one’s freedom of thought, dictating matters of the heart and the theft of another’s personal peace.
Everyday I live is an act of rebellion.
i guess the above quote sums it up for me.
HE WILL DIE LIKE A MORBID DOG. HE WILL SUFFER LIKE A WHORE. HE WILL BE USED AND FUCKED ALL SIDES. HE WILL BE ABUSED AND SCREWED THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE. HE WILL BE A MISERABLE FUCKING RETARDED BASTARD. HE WILL REMEMBER ME AND BEG TO BE WITH ME. I AM NO LONGER A PART OF HIM. HE IS NEGATIVE. HIS ENERGY IS STALE, STAGNANT, DANGEROUS. WHEN HE DIES HE DIES WITH NO SOUL. A SHELL, EMPTY DEVOID. HIS EXISTENCE IS HIS NON EXISTENCE. HIS LIES WILL BIND HIM UP.HIS PRIDE WILL EAT HIM. HIS FALL WILL BE GREAT. JUST LIKE THAT OF PHARAOH. HIS HIPPOCRATIC OATH MEANS NOTHING TO ME – FOR THE ABUSE HE INFLICTED UPON ME HAS NOW MADE ME LOSE TRUST TO SUCH AN EXTENT I AM WITHDRAWN FROM THIS WORLD.